i wait for you ♥

Nov 23

GUESTBREAKER: You Keep Saying, "Oh My God, You Hate Me!"

If you keep saying that, it’s going to become true. I just hit on you at the bar because you looked drunk. Our four minutes of conversation do not at all warrant your not-at-all-veiled concern about my perception of you. The truth of the matter is that I can easily sleep with somebody I hate so long as nobody is constantly reminding me of that hate. So while I find your blatant insecurity truly alarming, I have to at least thank you for watching out for me. No, please…oh gosh…can you just be quiet for a minute so I don’t accidentally put my real number in your cell phone.

A Guest Dealbreaker written by NYC comedian and frozen food connoisseur Noah Garfinkel.

GUESTBREAKER: You're Depressed.

dealbreaker:

Look, I’m trying to be understanding… I just didn’t realize that sleeping
until three in the afternoon BECAUSE you’re depressed could send you INTO a
shame spiral. Okay fine, you can lay in bed listening to Jeff Buckley for
ten more minutes, but then we’re going to miss the movie. You say missing
the movie is just your sad lot in life? Fine, why don’t we just hang out
here? I’ll make soup or something. What? You don’t deserve soup? Fine.
I’ll just eat my hand.

A Guest Dealbreaker written by Eva Anderson.

gustojones:

Sleepover_8 (via ashtonlee)

Nov 21

looking at this picture makes me die a little.

dealbreaker:

You Don’t Like Prince

Get the fuck out of my Little Red Corvette, Darling Nikki. Just know that I Would Die 4 U, but no longer do I Wanna Be Your Lover. I’m leaving you, before you leave ME, standing in the Purple Rain, that is. Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad?

In conclusion, Batdance.

(via notanotherfcknpolaroid)

dealbreaker:

GUESTMAKER: I Like You So Much I’ll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers

Things that I would normally classify as Dealbreakers which I’ve overlooked because I was smitten:

Vegetarian.

Wore flip flops.

Had a child.

Younger than me.

“Laugh clapping,” meaning he laughed so hard at something he would clap his hands, thus hurting my delicate ears.

Partook in the act of smoking marijuana on a regular basis.

Had a head shot.

When I ask what book he was reading right now, he responded “I’m not really that into reading books.”

He can’t hang out on Sunday cause the “big game” is on.

Never seen Spaceballs.

Things I will NEVER let slide, no matter how much I like you:

Being a republican, a child molester, or a vegan.

Ordering your steak “well done.”

A Guest Dealmaker by Georgia Hardstark.

Nov 19

“…and he has good dental hygiene, which is a sign of confidence.” glee

Nov 13

“You want my honest comment? It’s too much too soon. Time is God’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. It’s just too much of a good thing too soon. My thing is, being a home-school mum, I want kids to earn it, and I think some time … ‘cause mum and I rode in a car for the first year of our career to visit radio stations. There was a making of the star, there was a rising up, and the fans went with us. Now it’s over coffee breaks, the success, almost. You have to play catch up … It’s like the girl who wins an Oscar and she’s under 20. What do you do from here?” Wynonna Judd, on Taylor Swift.

Nov 10

“It is the single best tool for monetizing celebrity that’s ever been created in the history of the world. It is a kind of financial alchemy the likes of which we’ve never seen.” chandler burr, on celebrity fragrances.

gustojones:

dementes:

(via kingpez)

Nov 9

fueledbyphotos:

(via kiiirrrstennn)

Nov 8

raabia:

gustojones: Maria Konstantinov

i wait for you ♥

i'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you around until you love me

GUESTBREAKER: You Keep Saying, "Oh My God, You Hate Me!"

GUESTBREAKER: You're Depressed.